Whilst talking to a lot of mums over the past year, it seems that some of our hubby’s have something in common – that they’re not there for us in the way that we want them to be. And this starts early on in pregnancy as well as once having the baby.
Apparently 1 in 3 first time parents are unhappy within the first year of their first child’s life. Shocking! Everyone always talks about the happiness a baby can bring, the overwhelming feeling of love you have when you see your baby, how much of a joyous occasion it is- and they are right, its all these things and a billion more positive feelings. But no-one talks about the parents? what will happen to the parents relationship? how do the dynamics change when two go to three? who will do what and when? what is the mum role and dad role? whats fair? how do balance everything? how do you have parent time?
Yes having a baby is a life changing experience and life as we knew it before becomes a distant memory, and they do tell you this at all the antenatal classes, but never would I have believed it, if I didn’t feel it.
Having Kobi is a blessing and he is always my top priority. Everything I do, I do for him and love doing it. But gosh can it be exhausting at times, even more so now. Nearly a year old and its taking its toll on me, and only I, and who ever reads this, knows about it. A year on and I’ve never felt so happy being a mum but on the other hand, so distant and alone from my hubby whilst living a repetitive life. Can you be a single mum whilst being married? I think you can.
I’ve never experienced this before with hubby. He’s been my best friend for 15yrs. We knew each other completely, and complimented each others personalities, we were like Spaghetti Bolognese. But I use the word ‘were’ as the distance is making things a bit blurred and I’m loosing sight.
“Now that we have a child does that mean we can completely change our personalities and who we are together? Does this mean the end of our relationship as we knew it before a child, and now we have to form a new kind of relationship? Does this mean now I’m a mum I have to accept doing everything?”
No is my simple answer! We’ve never been this distant before and I do know I don’t want to accept this as our future! Time is always a great healer, so we’ll see what happens. According to statistics the first years the hardest, and we’re nearly over that. So maybe its on wards and upwards!